On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
