South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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