i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
