I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
