the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
