i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
