How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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