Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
