Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
