remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
