All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
