My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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