you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
