You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
