I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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