I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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