I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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