oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
