if only i could text you this smell
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
