How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
