spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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