I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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