I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
