so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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