imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i think i just lost a toe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
