I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
