So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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