what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
