here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
