it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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