I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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