I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
