I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
