gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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