i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
