i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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