I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
