He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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