Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
