hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
