Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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