yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
