summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
