He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
