thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
