Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In America we eat man semen.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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