There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
