I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
