It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
