Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
